A friend of mine has been trying to get through to me for a long time. This friend has been relentlessly pursuing me, trying to get my attention, and begging me to listen. I've known all along that what my friend is saying is true, but I've resisted that truth with all of my being. The fact of the matter is, I'm scared of the implications of what my friend is telling me...and I'm too proud to let go of my desperate grip on the reins and just let my friend take over. I keep telling myself that "I can do this, I'll be able to fix it. I can make this work." The truth is, I can't. The harder I try, the worse things seem to turn out. As long as I keep relying on my own strength, and ignoring what Jesus is trying to do in my life, I'll stay stuck in the same, desperate, miserable, pathetic mess that I've made of things so far.
I listened to a song this afternoon. It's one that I've heard before, probably dozens (or hundreds) of times. I know the words, almost by heart. I even thought to myself when I heard it today, "you know, that's really true!" And yet, by this evening, I had forgotten all about the message of the song. Just before midnight, another dear friend of mine was giving me some much needed spiritual counsel, and she mentioned the song to me! At that moment, I realized that God isn't going to leave me alone. He intended for me to hear, and actually absorb, the message of this song. It's sung by Ginny Owens, and it's called "Free":
I listened to a song this afternoon. It's one that I've heard before, probably dozens (or hundreds) of times. I know the words, almost by heart. I even thought to myself when I heard it today, "you know, that's really true!" And yet, by this evening, I had forgotten all about the message of the song. Just before midnight, another dear friend of mine was giving me some much needed spiritual counsel, and she mentioned the song to me! At that moment, I realized that God isn't going to leave me alone. He intended for me to hear, and actually absorb, the message of this song. It's sung by Ginny Owens, and it's called "Free":
Turning molehills into mountains
Making big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens
This is how it's been
Fear of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
Afraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail
This is how it's been
'Till the day you pounded on my heart's door
And you shouted joyfully, "You're not a slave anymore!"
You're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
You're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to me
You're free to love
'Cause I've given you my love and it's made you free!
My mind finds hard to believe that
You've become humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because you loved me so
And my heart cannot understand why you'd
Accept me as I am but you see
You've always had a plan and that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed by what the world will say
It's then you're singing to me as you remove my chains!
Oh free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile!
I've given you my love and it's made you free!
God, I give up. I'm through running away from you. Take my life. I've made a mess of it, and I can't clean it up on my own. You can. I'm in your hands. Make me what you want me to be. I don't know where you're going to take me, but I believe you when you say you have a plan for me, and that you'll never let me go. Thank you for refusing to give up on me, and for giving me friends and family that love me enough to remind me of what you've done for me. Jesus, I want to live a life like yours. You said that you came that I might have life, and have it to the full. I'm tired of this emptiness I'm feeling. Holy Spirit, I want to be so immersed in you that my thoughts are your thoughts, my words your words, my actions yours. Forgive me for my stubbornness and pride. Forgive me for my insistence that "I can do it." Forgive me for the ways I've resisted you. I want a relationship with you. Dear God, I give my life as an offering to you. Amen.
This makes the second time I've (re)started this blog. I've resisted writing here before, thinking that blogging about myself, my interests, or my ideas, would be an arrogant, egotistical expression. And, if I were writing about myself, that would be true. But, it's not about me anymore. God wants me to be a light to the world, and if this blog can be a forum for sharing that light, then I'll write.
**edit** I added a link to the song, if you'd like to listen. It should open in a new window or tab when you click the link. Firefox 3 auto-resizes browser windows, so don't freak out if your window collapses to the size of the Rhapsody player. To stop this (in Firefox 3):
Making big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens
This is how it's been
Fear of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
Afraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail
This is how it's been
'Till the day you pounded on my heart's door
And you shouted joyfully, "You're not a slave anymore!"
You're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
You're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to me
You're free to love
'Cause I've given you my love and it's made you free!
My mind finds hard to believe that
You've become humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because you loved me so
And my heart cannot understand why you'd
Accept me as I am but you see
You've always had a plan and that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed by what the world will say
It's then you're singing to me as you remove my chains!
Oh free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile!
I've given you my love and it's made you free!
God, I give up. I'm through running away from you. Take my life. I've made a mess of it, and I can't clean it up on my own. You can. I'm in your hands. Make me what you want me to be. I don't know where you're going to take me, but I believe you when you say you have a plan for me, and that you'll never let me go. Thank you for refusing to give up on me, and for giving me friends and family that love me enough to remind me of what you've done for me. Jesus, I want to live a life like yours. You said that you came that I might have life, and have it to the full. I'm tired of this emptiness I'm feeling. Holy Spirit, I want to be so immersed in you that my thoughts are your thoughts, my words your words, my actions yours. Forgive me for my stubbornness and pride. Forgive me for my insistence that "I can do it." Forgive me for the ways I've resisted you. I want a relationship with you. Dear God, I give my life as an offering to you. Amen.
This makes the second time I've (re)started this blog. I've resisted writing here before, thinking that blogging about myself, my interests, or my ideas, would be an arrogant, egotistical expression. And, if I were writing about myself, that would be true. But, it's not about me anymore. God wants me to be a light to the world, and if this blog can be a forum for sharing that light, then I'll write.
**edit** I added a link to the song, if you'd like to listen. It should open in a new window or tab when you click the link. Firefox 3 auto-resizes browser windows, so don't freak out if your window collapses to the size of the Rhapsody player. To stop this (in Firefox 3):
- Click on Tools > Options > Content
- Select “Advanced” to the right of “Enable JavaScript”
- Uncheck the “Move or resize existing windows” box.
- Press OK, then OK again and restart your browser.
